miércoles, 30 de marzo de 2016

Growing up but not changing any feeling

And definitely I´ve been growing so much. Im definitely a much more positive, active, kind person... But there´s a fucking huge void inside me...

I don´t know, Maybe that´s why i´ve always identified as a vampire... Is kind of the theory that your favorite disney princess can tell your mental illness... and of course, those are aspects of your personality that defines you and makes u close to certain things...

Vampires are lonely, no matter if they are surrounded by people, vampires are melancholic cause everyone would hate living forever and they just get tired, they´re empty because they´re dead. They seem to be like anybody else but they´re dead, with no heart, no soul, just a walking body as a zombie... They can feel but that doesnt mean anything because their life is meaningless, there´s no purpose for living because you can´t die so nothing really matters...

I don´t know, I feel so much as a vampire... and no matter how much i work on myself, how much i learn, grow, live, change, love... there´s nothing that makes me feel worth living... now i have a path, a really good path to follow... to make something good with my life but everything is still inside of me... that void is always there...

and there it comes frustration... my lifetime frustration... I´ve live so many things, i´ve done so many things and i´m good at not that few things... But im not the best at anything...

i can´t be the best because of so many things i´ve been trying to defeat but there they are... I have so many boundaries i´m trying not paying attention to... but everyday at everything im trying to improve they come out and makes feel depressed, makes me want to quit and those feelings start growing up till makes me feel like i want to die, or i need to dye... and that really sucks... because i love what i do but there not such a big love that makes me love life...

maybe someday ill convinced myself

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